Papua New Guinea
I am the American ambassador
To Papua New Guinea.
I save lives!
There is nothing more dangerous than the monsters that roam the countryside.
Terrifying creatures,
Orifices bristling with teeth and tentacles.
I carry sixteen knives with me,
And two guns,
And one gun that shoots knives,
And a compass.
But at night I take off my flak jacket
And dance until my heart stops
Because I am the American ambassador
To Papua New Guinea,
And I mean it.