Nasty Conjugation

Hello, hello! Hi! Yeah, it sure has been a while. You know how it goes, doing grad school stuff and getting married and going on honeymoons and the like. It can get pretty busy! But here we are, in Two Thousand and Eight, and it’s time to get back on the wagon. It is my stated goal to update with something once a week (emphasis on something). It is my secret inner goal to update…maybe…twice a week. But don’t tell anyone I said that.

I guess I was getting kind of picky about what I was posting. It’s supposed to be gross if it’s on this site. The conjugation that is. Nasty. Anyway. Here’s something I wrote while I was bored on campus today!

 

I’ve got all this crazy unfocused energy. It’s this idealism acting like heartburn, welling up and burning and just driving me crazy.

It burns sometimes!

What is it? It’s not physical. It’s not an acid or a base or related to food.

Well, maybe it’s related to food, a little.

I wonder if it can be subdivided, you know, broken down into its basic parts. What’s the simplest unit of an emotion? Maybe laughter. Sweat. Tears? Probably emotion is somehow related to salt.

But it must be chemical, right? If it comes from inside of me – like heartburn , which is chemical – then it’s gotta be organic. Maybe I’ll go grow some idealism in a Petri dish.

Gross!

Whatever.

So maybe now’s not the time to figure out the basic nature of emotion. It’s just there, okay? It does funny stuff to you. My brain – which is mostly organic, I guess, besides all the residue from those two years of antidepressants, which are chemical but man-made, which automatically makes every feeling kind of suspect, which still sometimes zaps the tips of my fingers with weird electricity –

Anyway.

We’ve established that I get this crazy energy, and then my brain has to figure out what to do with it. Dance? Cry? Punch!

Seriously, I imagine using all that energy to punch some thought I’ve been having. Anything. Sometimes it’s something bothering me –

“ARRGGHH Fellowship Application!” PUNCH!

“RARRR Politics!” PUNCH!

Or sometimes it’s something I’m just really excited about –

“WHOAH Got Married!” PUNCH!

“AWESOME Having Lunch With Important People!” PUNCH!

And sometimes it’s something I need to do –

“GOGOGO Need To Get Published!” PUNCH!

“NOWNOW Successful, Financially Stable Life!” PUNCH!

So that’s one thing that I do. Next time it looks like I’m not paying attention, at least you’ll have a rough idea of what’s going on.

This entry was posted on Friday, January 11th, 2008 at 3:04 pm and is filed under Thoughts. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.